You defiantly won’t remember the first time we actually met but I feel like that moment is one of my clearest and fondest memories. You were placed on my chest after a long and traumatic labour which resulted in emergency surgery. I felt like I had been hit by a bus but that moment I saw you and actually felt you, the pain was gone and I could hear your soft breathing. The other clearest memory was watching my mother take her last breath. Her body breaking down and her breathing slow and heavy and then just like that there were no more breaths. The two moments that I feel have moulded me into the woman I am today are ironically you making your debut into this world and my mother leaving it.
In both moments I was reminding myself that I can make it through. You healed my broken spirit and made me whole again. My dear Archie you have reached so many milestones in your short twelve months and my heart is bursting with pride every day you look up at me with your beautiful eyes. You have shown me a love I didn’t know was possible. You will always be the most beautiful boy in the room to me, I can all ready see how kind your little heart is. But there are some lessons you are still yet to learn that will be even more prolific than the ones you have mastered all ready.
So in the interest of motherly guidance my beautiful boy, here are some things I would like you to take with you in life….
Don’t ever take time for granted. None of us are here forever and the time you spend on anything or anyone, make it wonderfully fulfilling. Work on your own time. I have realised since you have been around, that the time I spend with you, whether it be going for a walk, watching The Wiggles (again and again) or simply having a cuddle, it makes me happy. I have totally re-evaluated time spent on my blog, social media, work and even with friends. Right now, at this point in my life you make time feel fulfilled and that is how I chose to spend my time, on you.
Always search within yourself to find the strength to make it through any situation life throws at you. I am not talking about being able to carry all the shopping bags or lift a heavy box, I am talking about strength within yourself. The strength to be able to make someone else and yourself feel like everything is going to be ok. The strength to be able to absorb a moment and take it in for what it really is. Just because you are conditioned to grow into a man doesn’t automatically mean you will have strength. You need to find it within yourself and nurture it. Being strong, yet gentle and kind, these are the manliest qualities you will ever have.
If you don’t believe in yourself how will you ever expect anyone else too? There is nothing that you can’t do if you set your mind to it. Believe in your instincts and that you have the strength to make anything possible. Where there is a will there is a way and if you don’t know the way believe that when the time is right, the universe will guide you where you need to be. We all have purpose, believe you will find yours.
This is something I have just learnt to do. In this fast paced world it is easy to blink an eye and years have passed before your very eyes. Look around you. I have given you the gift of life. Take it all in, breathe the fresh air in the morning, watch the sunset and for gods sake dance in the bloody rain! Observe people, appreciate them for their virtues and listen to their story. We are all different and we are all beautiful in our own way. The world is exceptionally beautiful when you stop and take it all in.
Make a commitment to always strive to be the best you. Self reflect, talk to me and ask me questions. Always remember before there was anyone else in your life, there was me. There was many times without any words our souls connected and said things to each other that words couldn’t. I will always be able to look in your eyes and read you like a book. Don’t ever think that you are better than anyone else. Knowledge is power and with that power you will do great things one day but everyone is equal. Accept everyone for what they really are and never, ever think you are perfect. Arrogance is a very unflattering quality.
Always tell the truth. This is easier said than done and sometimes lying feels like the easier option. People will respect you more if they know there is no grey areas when it comes to you. Honesty builds trust and if you are not trustworthy no one will ever respect you. This is the quality in your father that I love the most. Observe him, he is a very special man and all the advice I have given you he lives and breathes every day.
Above anything else that I wish for you I just want you to be happy. In every aspect of your life. I cringe at the thought that you will go through stages of hating me, being embarrassed by me but please know that you are now my purpose and everything I do is for you. Don’t ever forget who your mum is. When I am happy, sad, angry and not on this earth any longer I will always be your mother and I will always, always love you.
Happy first birthday darling, Love Mum xx